CONFESSIONS – are they good for the soul?

I must confess to you that I actually didn’t get to go last night to the Sale St. event. I came home at lunch time and felt so bereft and old and actually not well. Mentally challenged with everything that has been going on and I have to admit that from time to time even I get a bit sad and don’t push myself just curl into a ball and try and relax.

Its not often that this happens but there has been an accumulation of events happening around me that have finally pushed me to that I can’t cope point. This is not a nice place to be, I did feel a lot better today but am still feeling physically and mentally slightly unstable. There isn’t much I can do about this until it passes, I know when I am at the end of that tether rope – had the rug tugged out from under me.

My children have been avoiding me, the re-scheduling of the operations, my wee puppy dying and just everything seemed to get harder and harder over the last couple of days. I am telling you this as I know that all of us have good and bad days but I must emphasize (especially to myself) that this is a passing phase and it will get better. So lots of warm drinks, a few magazines to flip through and a good long nana nap every afternoon until it goes…..away!

Been on a bit of a high as well (thanks to my bi-polarism) so its the coming down that makes you feel even more vulnerable than you normally are. This isn’t a crock but I do suffer from ups and downs – the medication I take religiously but it only works 80% of the time. The other 20% I have to manage myself which I find hard but do get there in the end.

Did spend some great time today talking with a couple of my friends on the phone so that was uplifting but they are as freaked out as I am so we decided to all meet tomorrow and have a coffee and cry on each others shoulders, this usually works a treat we all talk at once and just let it all out…….lol

I have been upset about my wee doggie and I should be starting to come right except every day I still have the feeling that she is upstairs and its creeping me out as its a fleeting thought and then I remember she isn’t here. Well as time heals most/all wounds I will be okay eventually. Lets bring on the brightness and the positivity I have lost I am asking it to come back fast and furiously…like NOW!!!!!

I also have over the years hidden all these forms of emotions but recently decided that we all suffer at various times and on various levels so it shouldn’t be such a biggie for me and I will heal.

Loneliness is hard to deal with have been reading everything in Wisanow.co.nz today to uplift my brain and my emotions and it was actually working until after dinner tonight when I felt all bereft again so decided to blog it down and then close the computer and relax.

Thank you for listening/reading my blather tonight it was hard to write but I do feel better – was it a cathartic experience to do it, hopefully it was.

Cheers to you all, Lillian

The photograph today is of my ladies I have in the lounge they have been with me for years and I adore them, they keep me company every evening.